Chaos

What do you do when you miss it? Watch it pass you by like there is nothing to see that has passed only to realize all too late what you may have lost. Have you let go of the chance of a lifetime? Your best friend, soul mate, and lover- the potential that you can see and feel so deeply it tears you apart as you turn away. Nothing really seems quite right after that moment. So many what ifs and why not’s-

It hurts to walk away, to see something potentially perfect just fade from your fingertips. You cry as you drive and you think trying to remember how it felt when he touched your neck to sweep away your hair in an attempt to hold onto your scent one last time. You try to ignore the knot in your stomach, the feeling of immense attraction, the chills down your spine- like if you ignore it the feelings are no longer true. You can feel him wanting you, to be near to you, to need it. How good it feels to be so strongly desired and to desire back.

Hiding the guilt and the shame for feeling so in love with this concept of “the one that got away”, picking apart the things in your world that would be changed with him for the better and for the worst. Your current state leaves you feeling torn and unappreciated and you don’t know who to turn to in some attempt to break this need that has swelled up slowly inside your soul since that first night together and the last night apart.

There are pieces in play here that distort the reality of happiness, stealing the last shred of sanity from your mind as you think moving will be the biggest mistake of your life. The nagging feeling you have walked away from the one person you have always felt differently for but never realized what that difference meant. The time to see has come and gone and it is too late to change this without painful consequences.

Your subconscious understands the loss that is occurring, breaking you down in an attempt to get a signal across the chaos that has engulfed your present state of mind. You bend and twist and turn the truth searching for some all-telling answer but

there isn’t one.

Is this really that one decision that will dictate the rest of your life? The one thing all have faced, the decision that makes or breaks a happy future. Is this going to be a beginning or an end?

You cry as you type and you think trying to remember how it felt when he touched your neck to sweep away your hair in an attempt to hold onto your scent one last time. You try to ignore the knot in your stomach, the feeling of immense attraction, the chills down your spine- Could this be your biggest mistake?